color key — yellow: relationships; blue: mental health; red: abuse. contrast of light and dark correlates with bright and somber tones of voice.

For Someone Or A Few

It was my 18th birthday, and the thing to know about me is that the majority of my close friends are male, so sharing beds with my male counterparts was never out of the question or inherently sexual. A new male friend I had made earlier in the year was coming on my first night out (in my country, 18 is the legal drinking age). We went out as a group, my two friends slept over and took up the spare bedroom. Previously, I had said he could share my bed with me, which he did, but I was very drunk and before I knew it he was sleeping with my barely conscious body. I don't remember most of it, but I do remember one aspect. He stopped as it got too hard to go on as it was not consensual verbally and certainly my body was not consenting either.

I, almost a year later, am seeking help from a psychologist to process what happened to me. I hope my story resonates with someone, or a few someones, and you know you're not alone anymore. If this is how you feel, please seek help.