Thanks For Listening

I’m a teen going through some tough shit in my head. I recently just figured out that I have OCD.

I always knew there was something different about me. I always wondered, why do I have to touch this a certain amount of times?  Or why do I have to touch my bed four times before I can actually sleep? But I think I mostly wondered why this happened to me. Why did I have to have this? 

I let it go, convinced myself that this was normal and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me. But, I think I always knew, in the back of my head, that there was something different about me. 

I had terrible anxiety attacks in the 7th grade, and it wasn’t till the second semester of 7th grade that my mom took me to the doctors. 

I wasn’t honest with them, I regret that. I thought if I told them the truth they’d lock me up in some asylum. 

They put me on anxiety medication to stop the panic attacks. To be honest, it helped a lot! I had convinced myself that I only have generalized anxiety, but again, in the back of my head, something told I still wasn’t okay. 

It wasn’t until a month ago, when I watched this video, that I realized what I had. I was like wow! That person thinks exactly like me!  I told my older sister about it, she supported me fully and let me rant to her. I wanted to tell my parents, but from past experience with going to the doctors in 7th grade, I knew my mom wasn’t on the same page as I was. My mom thinks that mental illnesses don’t really exist and it’s all in your head. To me it sounds absolutely insane. 

I told my parents and they both were upset, they thought that I was acting like this to get attention! Can you believe that? Why would I do that? 

We left it alone like that — I still continue to take my medication for anxiety and it helps a little bit, but not fully. 

Anyways, thanks for listening to my Ted Talk.